This log will be mainly to remind myself how much the dragon has tried to understand and help when we found out about the new family member.
Last year I went to had 2 consulting sessions before I agreed to try to start a family. H always says he loves kids but won't mind if we don't have any. I knew that he really wants one. However I wasn't all that prepared. I didn't really want one after H came into my life just yet.
It felt more than I can handle already and I'm not sure if I could deal with another. The consultation really helped and I was a little more confident about the idea of being a parent. 2 years living under the same roof with H also help a little, there are some experiences proves that problems can be solved between us. I started preparing my insurance way before that since there is a 12 month waiting period and me, like not taking any chances.
2015 is a year that we had lots of changes in life. H found a continuing casual job in a national company within the 1st quarter of the year, which I was very grateful and very impressed, without a PR and only being in Australia for 2 years certainly is not an advantage. I only manage to get 1 piece performed and spent most of the year just to have a 'normal' life--not need to study or work after day time work. I don't remember if there is any period of time in my life that I don't spent half of my day on music. It took me sometimes to adjust.
Early 2015 we went to Sydney just before my teaching starts again, it was a short but needed break. We were feeling the pressure from job hunting, but also wanted to celebrate the completion of our degrees. Later the year we went to Melbourne and had a wonderful time while the finance pressure eased a bit. Then again to Japan just before we head home to our families.
It was while we were still in Taiwan, the morning we planed to go to Taipei to meet with friends and visit my Aunties. I noticed my period was late for just over a week and I knew I need to check. It has been very regular after the operation in 2012. It was a cold winter morning and I didn't sleep well, I got the positive result before we met at the station. I throw the last name question on him and he didn't realise, not till I gave him the test stick and confirmed what he thinks was it. I can't really tell if he was happy or not because he saw my face with full of concerns and can tell that I was not feeling all that well. H asked if I'm really ready for it. At that very moment, I felt being assured, this person will help me out if there are problems worse than I could handle.
We went to see the GP first thing when we were back in Brisbane, had another test. Positive. Booked in to see the OB at week 6. I went alone and had a scan, saw the image and start having sickness.
The first trimester has hit hard so wasn't all that pleasant to write about. There were a few days I can't help having some dark thoughts. Tears at night when I couldn't eat anything and every little smell upsets me. My blood pressure was always low but dropped even lower that I almost fainted at work. Short of breath and stomach problems followed from not being able to eat. I found more frustration than any delight. We decided not to tell anyone till we've got the 12 weeks check report back may have made that harder, there were times I really want to call Mum and Dad and just cry my eyes out, however unlikely I would do such thing.
The second trimester has improved a lot, the sickness started ease a bit passing 20 weeks. Different problems though, the mood swing start hitting me around 23 weeks. I tried to take some actions by talking to the doctor, taking some self-evaluation to keep an eye on my emotional health. Also taking some fish-oil--still can't go near meat or seafood if it's not hot with lot of spices. Because of the the extra weight, my body is aching at different parts. I'm trying to keep up with the exercise by joining the GCC walk challenge again and try to have a balance diet since now I could eat more.
26-27 weeks, the short of breath problem come back again, sometimes my heart beat raising and chest hurts. There are moments I felt lack of air and lose my vision. Still, there is the last trimester to get through. I wish I have enough strength and wisdom to handle everything gracefully.
Thank H for being very supportive and relaxed about all the changes, not overly concerned with things that I can't do and being more understanding in that aspect than myself. Our different attitudes find a 'meet and agree' point that helps to get through problems together. There are some physical pain and depressing moments, but with the help from each other, hopefully it won't damage our relationship.
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